Ten Things To Find Love Now

You Can Find Love Right Now By Doing These Ten Things

1. Start by losing the losers

If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”

Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled!

3. Next, make a list of your top five “requirements”

Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing:

If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)

Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)

Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)

Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)

Repeat as needed.

That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.

5. Get support

Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!

Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy

Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!

Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!

If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single. “If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).

Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you’re ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just “happen.”

3 Ways To Have More Confidence And Self-Love

THE ART OF SELF-LOVE

The perfect time to work on loving yourself is now.

BY ASHLEY DAVIS BUSH

Susan sat in front of me staring out the window. She smoothed some stray gray hairs around her right ear, sighed, and said, “I’m 63 years old for heaven’s sake; it’s time that I learn to love myself. That’s why I’m here.”

I asked her to number her self-love on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being rich with self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-cherishing and 1 being total self-loathing. She told me that she was a solid 4.

And so we began our work together. My heart goes out to the men and women who struggle with self-love. In fact, at some point in therapy, even when self-love isn’t the presenting issue, I always ask, “Do you love yourself?” The answer is usually a surprised look, and a tentative, “I don’t think so,” or “I don’t know.” Very few answer with a resounding ‘yes!’

Personally, I think we suffer an epidemic of self-loathers, or at least self-dislikers. And yet, as with many disorders, this epidemic is based on distorted thoughts, misperceptions, and mind traps. Once a person claims their birthright of self-love, everything in life becomes easier – from work to relationships to simply looking in a mirror.

So, I suggested three daily exercises for Susan.

Self-Acceptance (a visualization) – In the morning before getting out of bed, put one hand on your heart and the other hand on your lower belly. Keep your eyes closed and imagine yourself in a serene place. Imagine 3 beings in front of you, 3 benefactors — people or pets who deeply love and accept you for who you are. They may or may not be currently living on the planet. In the case of Susan, she selected her husband, her daughter, and her dog. Part of a session was about the selection of these people. (We also spent a session processing the reality that she could not include her critical mother in this line-up.)

Hold these benefactors in your mind’s eye and imagine them beaming the light of love toward you. Know that they love and accept you exactly as you are, including your strengths and your foibles. Breathe in their love for several moments, letting it sink into you as if you are a dry sponge. Know that you are loveable and loved.

Self-Compassion (affirmations) – I asked her to put post-it notes on the mirrors in her house with messages like, “I am beautiful,” “I am strong,” “I am a decent person with a good heart,” “I am doing the best that I can,” “I am a kind and loving wife and mother,” “I have many blessings in my life,” and “I am part of Divine light.” Every time she was in the bathroom, she was to say at least two of these out loud.

Self-compassion is about confidence but also tenderness toward the self. I asked her to put her hand over her heart as she said or thought affirmations throughout the day. I asked her to remember that she’s a tender soul doing the best she can to grow and feel better about herself. Although she initially felt awkward in doing these practices, she stayed with the process. She had compassion for her own awkwardness and perseverance.

Self-Cherishing (self-care action) — I asked Susan to list 5 things that she loves to do, things that calm her and make her feel cared for. She wrote down meditation, walking her dog, reading gardening magazines, listening to Mozart, and going to a yoga class. While she can’t necessarily do each of these every day, I asked her to do one a day, even if it was only for 5 or 10 minutes. While she did it, she was to be intentional about thinking to herself, “I am choosing to do this activity because it is a conscious act of self-cherishing, and I know that I deserve it.”

Susan was highly motivated and did these exercises with zeal. The mirror one was the most difficult for her. She didn’t believe a word she said, at first. But she kept at it and was determined to ‘fake it til she made it.’

After 10 sessions, everything in her life had begun to improve dramatically. When I asked her to number herself again on the self-love scale, she told me, “I’m definitely an 8 now,” she said. Smiling mischievously she added, “And some days I’m even a 9.”

I asked her what she thought had helped her turn the corner and finally embrace the ability to love herself. She said, “You know, I stuck with the exercises even when I didn’t feel the love. And then, suddenly, to my surprise, I became the love.”

And beautifully, in becoming the love, all of her relationships were positively impacted. Truly self-love is the basis for the ability to love others. So, the benefit of this journey is that the love spills out to others.

May all beings dwell in the bliss and peace of self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-cherishing. May all beings become the essence of self-love so that it radiates out and touches all who encounter it.

What Do You Mean He’s Not That In To You?

How Could He Decide So Fast You’re Not The One . . .

He never really was into you

He just wanted to hook up. (Oh, stop sobbing. You’ve done it, too.)

He found someone he’s more into

It happens. Perhaps that lovely coworker he has been pining for suddenly left her boyfriend, whom she was just not that into.

He is tired of being dragged to church…

…and malls and family reunions and baby showers.

Your friends and family members frightened him

Maybe he sees too much of your mother in you already.

His friends finally talked him into leaving you

They whined, complained, and poked fun at him because, since you came around, he can’t come out and play after dinner.

You nag… a lot

Anytime you ask him to do something more than twice, it’s no longer a reminder, it’s nagging. Nothing makes a man want to run out of the home screaming more than nagging (excluding the obvious: A bad call during a playoff game or accidentally catching his Willy in his zipper).

He’s a slob and you’re neat, or vice-versa

You don’t realize this until you share a hotel room for a week. Then, the unmade bed, clothing pile and missing toothpaste cap are sufficient reasons to check out of both the hotel and the relationship.

You cost too much

Hey, times are tough. He has to cut corners. His hand does not require expensive foreplay such as roses, sushi and La Crema chardonnay. His accountant advised him to rebuild his credit by sticking to solo nights in a dive bar with his nutritious dinner of happy hour draft beer and popcorn.

You are not the same woman you were when he met you

Remember that sexy number you were wearing? Those high boots with your designer jeans tucked inside them. That pink lace thong. The plunging neckline. Where did they go? Yes, you look cute in sweatpants, flip-flops and a trucker cap, but then again so does his uncle.

You started rationing the cookie

You used to get busy all the time:In the car, on the kitchen counter and in the hotel Jacuzzi. You used to initiate. In fact, according to the police log, you had orgasms loud enough to register on the Richter scale. Now, instead of changing positions, you change the channels. He misses those days when you used to fetch the sex towel.

It’s not so bad. Don’t be embarrassed. You, too, can learn from this or at least become more skilled at faking it. But just accept it — he’s just not that into you.

The Fundamentals Of Dating

Discover The Fundamentals of Dating

When you enter into the dating world, there are some very important factors that you need to consider and keep in mind. The most basic factor is a person’s attitude. An attitude can affect all of the dynamics of a relationship and dating experience. Attitude involves how a person looks at dating and what dating truly means to them.

Most people do not know where they should go to meet someone. They sit in their house wishing that they could meet the right person and find someone to spend their life with. However, they do not do anything to try to meet someone. They just continue to sit in their house. This decreases their chances of finding anyone that they can spend time with and enjoy having in their life.

Know why you want to date. For most people, it is a desire to no longer be alone. This is the reason that propels them to enter into the dating world again. As they are entering the dating scene, they appear desperate and needy. This is very unappealing and will lead to a pattern of attracting all the wrong kinds of people.

In order to prevent this, you have to change your thinking and picture having someone that can share your life instead of someone that will just fill the emptiness that you feel. It is nice to have someone in your life that you can spend time with and do things with, but you have to be able to enjoy your own life and be able to survive on your own before you can enjoy life with someone else.

Find the good in other people. Look for the positives. Do not focus on the bad parts, but be aware of them. These can warn you of potential warnings or dangers that you have to be aware of. Your positive attitude, however, will give you a much more open, positive mind to see people for who they really are. It will also make you more appealing to other people as they realize that you have a positive attitude and outlook.

Eliminate all of the negative words and behaviors from your mind. These words can essentially create a negative attitude and this reflects badly to other people and can give them the wrong idea about you. There is no one that desires to be with a negative person. If you remove the negative words, you increase the possibility of finding someone that you can spend your time with in a positive relationship.

Self confidence is a very desirable trait. People that are self confidence do not give off a needy or negative appearance. They are capable of surviving on their own and this makes them desirable to other people. They become a person that other people want to be with and spend time with.

Be a responsible person. Responsibility is a very attractive quality to many people. If you say you are going to do something, make sure that you do it. You do not want to have someone in your life that cannot accept responsibility, so it is important to be responsible yourself.

Attitude is the most important factor in attracting a potential mate. Attitude is essential to determining whether you will spend the rest of your life alone or if you will have a mate to live out the rest of your life with. Live your life as the kind of person that you want to attract and what you are looking for in a potential mate. If you have bad habits, you need to work to change those and adjust your behavior to be more positive.

Other people in the world are looking for the same qualities that you are. Being the best person that you can be will help you to attract the best possible mate.

Creative Boyfriend Gifts – Unexpected Gifts He Will Love

Great Ways To Express Your Love To Your Boyfriend

Gifts Guys Love

Are you in a dilemma about what gift to get your boyfriend? Don’t want to be over the top or too mushy? When giving gifts to those we love, we all want to give items they will enjoy and be surprised to receive. No one wants to give a gift the other person doesn’t want or something bland which they predicted they would receive or worse yet that they just throw in a drawer and forget about.

The following tips will help you find creative boyfriend gifts.

One thoughtful and creative boyfriend gift is a charm he can carry in his pocket to remember you each day. Men are unlike woman in that they do not like to wear necklaces with moments of the ones they love. By having a charm engraved with your names and a significant date that he can carry in his pocket you have given him the male equivalent of a female charm necklace. He will think of you each time he gets anything out of his packet during the day and he will be reminded of your love.

An inventive and creative boyfriend gift is having copies of the photos of the two of you cut into the letters of your names. Have the photo letters places in a frame to spell your names with a photo of the two of you in the shape of heart set between your names. This is a great way for him to enjoy photos of you together. Keeps him remembering the fun you have and how spontaneous you can be.

If your boyfriend is into vintage items then you want to consider getting him a vintage cigarette or card case and flask with his name engraved on it. This is a very classy boyfriend gift which he will enjoy well beyond the day you give them to him. You can really give a creative boyfriend gift with this idea.

You can make a memorable and creative boyfriend gift by making a special video for him. Film you, friends, and family members telling stories and sharing memories about the two of you. This is a special and you can make this one a unique, creative boyfriend gift which will be cherished each time he watches it.

Make going to the movies a special date – creative boyfriend gift. Go to your local movie theater and ask if they sell ads which are shown before the film begins. If they do, you can purchase an ad and have it played on an evening you are taking him to see a movie together. The ad can have a picture of the two of you and saying a simple sweet message. Not only will he be surprised to see the ad, he will be touched by how thoughtful you are.

If you are looking to really impress your boyfriend one of the most impressive and creative boyfriend gifts is a new car stereo system or satellite radio. Tell your boyfriend you are taking his car to have it washed. Instead, take it have a high end car stereo or satellite radio installed into it. This is gift which will put a smile on his face each time he gets in hos car and thinks of you and this thoughtful gift. You could also put all of his favorite music on an iPod or Google Tablet or mp3 file which would not only be thoughtful but also be another creative boyfriend gift too!

With a little work you can give creative boyfriend gift which he will really enjoy.